I Know all of the Songs by Heart

      After the tragic death of my brother, I struggled to see meaning in the world around me. The thought of all of his favorite songs and the cake he always asked for on his birthday, just dispersing out there into an abyss felt so cruel. I longed for any signs that proved his continued existence and he remained so close in my recollection that I could still feel his presence here on Earth.

      Within the depths of my grief I began to notice, what I referred to, as tiny miracles. Experiencing a beautiful formation in the clouds or watching a breeze gently rustled the leaves of some trees, suddenly felt amplified, like they were messages or glimpses into another plane of existence. I became hyper aware of perceiving things existing outside of myself and a longing for a reckoning that was beyond my understanding.

      I began to document photographic representations of my emotional states, incorporating myself and my 2 sons, as references to my memories and childhood, and to imagine a future in which my brother no longer exists. Through these images, I process my grief as something existing beyond the constraints of myself.

      Many of us still feel our lost loved ones still with us after their deaths. I hope that this indicates that he is still out there, somewhere in the cosmos existing in some beam of light beyond my understanding. Perhaps his existence lies in my longing of home, a place where I will always long to return to.